Chez CVM

Did we really Legislatively Assemble here for these jokes?

2009-06-23T17:21:00.000-07:00

ANGELICA TRIPODI

The SPEAKER: I am advised that yesterday the Minister for Finance, Minister for Infrastructure, Minister for Regulatory Reform, and Minister for Ports and Waterways became the father of a baby girl. I am told that Angelica Tripodi was a healthy 3.6 kilograms at birth and that she and her mother, Maria, are both doing well. I am sure the House will join with me in congratulating the Minister on the new addition to his family.

Mr Chris Hartcher: And his wife, who did all the hard work!

The SPEAKER: That is a very good interjection.

Parliamentary profoundness - NSW Hansard once more

2009-06-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

There is a deep truth here.

Mr Ian Cohen: "Dr Chopra alerted me to the fact that the food that Australia exports to the European Union has to conform to much higher standards than our own, so we produce two lots of food: food that is too good for Australians and food that is not good enough for Europeans".

Indeed. Thank you Ian.

Best of Hansard LC Edition 4 June

2009-06-04T17:03:00.000-07:00

Ah, love across the barricades....

Ms Lee Rhiannon: I lived on a dairy farm too. You live at Redfern.

The Hon. DUNCAN GAY: I acknowledge for the record that Ms Lee Rhiannon has dairy farming in her history. There we were in the negotiating room. She has the belief that intensive agriculture should not go ahead and I am of the view that we should have proper intensive agriculture. She has the belief that there should not be mining anywhere in the State and I hold the belief that mining is an important part of the State and should be included.

Reverend the Hon. Dr Gordon Moyes: You make a lovely couple.

Hansard - Identifying possible hyperbole

2009-05-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

Re: The Inner West Busway:

12 May 2009, Legislative Council

The Hon. HELEN WESTWOOD [2.52 p.m.]: This project is possibly the most transparent in the history of the Government. When I say "the history of the Government" I am talking as far back as the ancient Greeks!

Best of Hansard - Pynchonesque Incidents

2009-05-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

Can anyone actually work out what is going on here? I am starting to think it is some kind of code used by our political overlords to conceal their evil plans. Or perhaps they are all slightly mad? The following discussion occurred in the context of a bill changing regulations in the racing industry on 7 May 09.

Mr PAUL GIBSON: Racing is a great panacea. Looking back at the history of racing—and I was not born then; I am not that old—during the Depression, for example, there were the largest crowds ever on racetracks anywhere. People went to the racetracks not only to put a few bob on and try to back a winner; they went there with the hope of forgetting the problems of the day. They went to the track because it was fairly cheap entertainment. It was a very important part of the panacea process that followed on from the Depression and the war. I first started looking at and wondering about racing when I was a young boy in Young.

Mr Kevin Greene: Is that Lambing Flat?

The boy from Young: "I come from Young, a pretty town up near the Riverina. They grow their cherries by the pound and sell them for a deener." I have never forgotten that. In my early years in Young there was a fellow by the name of Ernie Batnich, who had a cherry orchard. Ernie had a greyhound called Happy Banquet. Happy Banquet was a happy banquet to a lot of people in Young. Not only did he win on the country tracks—

Mr George Souris: They ate it.

Mr PAUL GIBSON: No, they didn't eat it; he ate them. They brought Happy Banquet to Sydney and it was one of the best greyhounds to race in this nation. I have never forgotten it. After that Ernie's mate had a dog called Macaroona. I will never forget Macaroona either—one of the fastest dogs this nation has ever laid eyes on.

Mr Peter Draper: What about Chief Havoc?

Mr PAUL GIBSON: Yes, Chief Havoc. There have been a lot of them. At the moment we have a horse called Takeover Tiger and it has won over $6 million in prize money. Joe Jaknic is the owner-trainer of it. He bought the horse for virtually nothing.

More moments from Hansard - NOM

2009-05-06T00:22:00.001-07:00

Notices of Motion can not only be abbreviated to NOM. And they are even more funny:

297 Mr AMERY to move—

That this House:

(1) Notes the victory of English Championship side, Burnley, over Premiership side Arsenal in the

quarter final of the Carling Cup.

(2) Notes that this upset win was the third win against a Premiership side by the Burnley team in this

competition.

(3) Notes that this result sends a message to the New South Wales Opposition that being odds on

favourite does not guarantee future success.

(Notice given 4 December 2008)

Inside jokes #2

2009-04-09T21:19:00.000-07:00


Enjoy the following email exchange from 09 April regarding comments on News.com.au posts (very shallow end of the gene pool kind of stuff):

RvL:
Why not set BOTH long term and short term interest rate to 0%??? I mean,
seriously, this would mean cheaper borrowing for EVERYONE!!


WHY NOT INDEED CVM.

CVM:
I don't know, I'm not very good with numbers as at school I was taught
using the whole language approach by politically-correct postmodernists.

RvL:
HAAAAAAA.

The interest rate cut which is not one (per cent).

Best of Hansard - Friday 3rd April 09

2009-04-06T14:59:00.000-07:00

BELROSE WASTE DISPOSAL FACILITY

Mr JONATHAN O'DEA (Davidson) [12.17 p.m.]: So much of life is about interfaces. Interfaces cause wars, interfaces are present at the G20 summit in London this week, interfaces are caused where the city meets the bush and where suburbia meets industry. In Belrose we have a continuing interface where suburbia meets WSN Environmental Solutions, which brings the various effects of a garbage tip into suburbia.

Appalling French Humour

2009-02-17T06:54:00.000-08:00

This chain mail is too good not to save it here for posterity..

La France est gouvernée par un super héros.
Que dis-je, nous sommes gouvernés par LE Super Héros.

D'ailleurs, en pleine tempête, il s'est envolé secrètement pour Bagdad accomplir une mission plus secrète encore à bord de son Air Force Ouane à 300 millions d'€.

Ne jamais oublier donc :
- Nicolas Sarkozy a sauvé Alstom et il a libéré Ingrid Betancourt.
- Nicolas Sarkozy peut encercler ses ennemis. Tout seul.
- Quand Nicolas Sarkozy pisse face au vent, le vent change de direction.
- Nicolas Sarkozy peut claquer une porte fermée...
- Nicolas Sarkozy a déjà compté jusqu'à l'infini. Deux fois.
- Certaines personnes portent un pyjama Superman. Superman porte un pyjama Nicolas Sarkozy.
- Jésus Christ est né en 1955 avant Nicolas Sarkozy.
- Nicolas Sarkozy ne porte pas de montre. Il décide de l'heure qu'il est.
- Nicolas Sarkozy peut diviser par zéro.
- Dieu a dit: "que la lumière soit !" Et Nicolas Sarkozy répondit: "On dit s'il vous plaît".
- La seule chose qui arrive à la cheville de Nicolas Sarkozy. c'est sa chaussette.
- Quand Google ne trouve pas quelque chose, il demande à Nicolas Sarkozy.
- Nicolas Sarkozy fait pleurer les oignons.
- Les Suisses ne sont pas neutres, ils attendent de savoir de quel coté Nicolas Sarkozy se situe.
- Pour certains hommes le testicule gauche est plus large que le testicule droit. Chez Nicolas Sarkozy, chaque testicule est plus large que l'autre.
- Nicolas Sarkozy sait parler le braille.
- Il n'y a pas de théorie de l'évolution. Juste une liste d'espèces que Nicolas Sarkozy autorise à survivre.
- Nicolas Sarkozy et Superman ont fait un bras de fer, le perdant devait mettre son slip par dessus son pantalon.
- Un jour, au restaurant, Nicolas Sarkozy a commandé un steak. Et le steak a obéi.
- Nicolas Sarkozy a un jour avalé un paquet entier de somnifères. Il a cligné des yeux.
- Nicolas Sarkozy mesure son pouls sur l'échelle de Richter.
- Nicolas Sarkozy connaît la dernière décimale de Pi.
- Nicolas Sarkozy peut taguer le mur du son.
- Quand la tartine de Nicolas Sarkozy tombe, la confiture change de côté.
- Dieu voulait créer l'univers en 10 jours. Nicolas Sarkozy lui en a donné 6.
- Nicolas Sarkozy est capable de laisser un message avant le bip sonore.
- Une larme de Nicolas Sarkozy peut guérir du cancer, malheureusement Nicolas Sarkozy ne pleure pas.
- Quand Nicolas Sarkozy passe devant un miroir, il n'y a pas de reflet: il n'y a qu'un seul Nicolas Sarkozy.
- Si Nicolas Sarkozy dort avec une lampe allumée, ce n'est pas parce qu'il a peur du noir mais parce que le noir a peur de lui.
- Le calendrier de Nicolas Sarkozy passe du 31 mars au 2 avril. ... Personne ne fait de blague à Nicolas Sarkozy.

Ayn Rand? You've been pwned

2008-11-19T14:43:00.000-08:00

Helen Mirren - the real reason young people have low self-esteem

2008-11-15T02:41:00.000-08:00

I am never going to be as cool as Helen Mirren. Or look that good in a bikini when I grow up. But at least she makes me laugh:

Interviewer: Why did you choose to star in the soft porn cult classic Caligula, in which you danced in a cone bra?
Helen Mirren: It was an irresistible mix of art and genitals.

Guy Rundle's finest hour (and ours too maybe)

2008-11-05T21:21:00.001-08:00

Guy's article for Crikey today is the most marvellous and moving summation of what just happened in America than anything else in the incredibly vast pool of marvellous and moving material that is out there. Read it all the way, you'll thank me. And then I will stop writing about Obama. Maybe with the exception of something on inauguration day..

Rundle08: Tears and laughter. This is what Obama means

From Washington DC, US correspondent Guy Rundle writes:

These are the days of tears and laughter. Up mid-afternoon after filing for UK media at 7am, light pushing past the curtains. After the result was declared last night and Barack Obama gave his speech, we all headed down to the White House, where a street party had been brewing since McCain had commenced his concession speech. The city which had given Obama a 93% to 7% victory was going wild. Along the broad avenues -- spokes in a wheel, an expression of the enlightenment worship of the pure form of the circle, written down in town planning -- people were hanging out of cars shooting, sounding their horns. Cops stood at each intersection, inscrutable.

People hugged each other spontaneously in the street, shook hands, slapped palms, black and white and brown and yellow. Everyone was gentle with each other, everyone was kind. Even the occasional disconsolate Republican -- you could see them , the young men and women who work at thinktanks, the boys in blue suits and red ties, the girls in black dresses and pearls, walking, no marching, hand-in-hand, eyes fixed ahead, desperate for a cab to levitate them out of this hell-hole.

If they had any sense they've already put together the survival kit -- the stack of DVDs, a half dozen big books you wanted to read, the single malt and the smooth merlot, a few lines of china white, maybe a holiday in some awful all-in resort at Hilton Head. Pull the cable out the back of the TV, smack the laptop sharply against the wall, and swim into the embracing waters of the timeless imaginary. Emerge a week or two later when President-elect Obama -- PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA! -- has already announced his core staff, outlined a bunch of policies, set the course for the next year. A fortnight or so of chasing the dragon and Lord of the Rings and World of Warcraft, and you can emerge at least partially restored to face at least the next four years ahead.

God knows the left has done it often enough.

Outside the White House last night there were the young, there were old black women, in pan-Africa scarves and Sunday-best hats dancing a war-jig, there were old hippies, there were gay couples holding each other singing the Star Spangled Banner, there were drums and songs, and a sign hung on the wire fence with a photo of the Obamas' daughters, saying "Mali and Sasha, welcome home" -- and think about that for a while and what it means.

At 2am I ran into Alex Kelly, an old comrade I'd first met at S11, that moment in 2000 when Melbourne rose up and challenged the World Economic Forum, the most-effective -- Seattle included -- challenge to these series of slick elite meetings to date in the anti-globalisation movement. S11 -- September 11th 2000 -- was swallowed in history by what happened a year later.

But it felt like a direct line from there to here. As the anti-globalisation movement had, as it always would, fallen apart, I had gone West to London, and Alex had gone north and taken up the harder yards of working in, with, at the frontier of, indigenous Australia, out of, I think, a sense of absolute responsibility to battles close to home, battles most of us simply couldn't hack.

Seeing her there felt like the completion of a passage, through dangerous waters, over a decade, and I hugged her tight enough to break her ribcage. It was the relief of possibility, of renewed hope.

On TV, in the streets, people kept breaking into tears. Colin Powell, on a TV interview could barely continue, Jack Garretty an old newsman on CNN who lost his wife eight weeks ago, had to turn his face sideways and spit out a conclusion to his segment before he fell apart. Condoleezza Rice teared up. Even Dubya in a White House lawn speech seemed struck by the moment.

I lost it this morning, after filing the last article and radio interview, and staggering down to the lobby for a coffee and some ice. DeShaya, a young black woman who'd been on the desk when I'd checked in, was on there for the graveyard shift. We'd traded insults over my routinely screwed up reservation -- this is the US after all -- and then bitched together about the inadequacies of the booking company. She was at the end of her 12-hour shift because thats how you work in Bush's America -- and I was at the end of it all, and mutually wreathed in exhaustion and relief, we just held hands and wept for a minute or so, in happiness, in relief, in the victory of something larger than both of us, that contained both of us.

But I wouldn't mention it if it were unusual. All over the city, the Rome of the twentieth century, the Capitol monument and the Dome on the horizon wherever you look, people were doing the same.

Tears and smiles, in the street, in the Starbucks, in the metro station. No-one is ashamed of their emotions, of this release, of this vulnerability to others in a city where, othertimes and even now, you would want to watch your back.

Let's be clear about what this victory means, and why it means so much. It is not simply the victory of a black man as President. A Colin Powell becoming the new Republican Eisenhower of 2008 would not arouse a hundredth of this enthusiasm. Nor is it a victory of the left. A Dennis Kucinich, by some bizarre cosmic accident, becoming President would not arouse this level of passion.

What makes it powerful is that it is a victory of the global left in the incarnation of a black American, that it is a double blow to power and skin-privilege. Will President Obama be a programmatically radical leader? Of course not. But will he be a shivering neurotic Jesus-freak sycophant like Tony Blair? No, equally.

His achievement before anything has occurred is this: that every vector of power -- money, race, media -- has been defeated in the US, the declining but still regnant capitol of the world. That what won was the idea of wisdom, judgement, intelligence, prudence and audacity, conservatism and radicalism, a measuring up to the demands of the world. That, as opposed to past Democratic campaigns, this was not a party machine insider -- a Tennessee grandee or a billionairess's husband -- presenting themselves as the least-worst option.

It was someone who, by his own account, had come through the world of the radical left, of radical black action, to the realisation that any change in America had to come not against its traditions, but within them, and who therefore drew on the strengths of every residual radical and progressive notion of this one-time revolutionary society. It was an achievement, but it was also a channelling in to a deeper moment of historical shift.

In the USA this has been greeted, even by conservatives, as a historic transcendent moment. Why? I am reminded of the Jorge Luis Borges essay about Buenos Aires during 1940, when it looked like the Nazis -- who had a lot of support in Argentina out of hatred of British imperialism – would win. Borges, a resolute anti-Nazi, was visited by an Axis supporter.

"France has fallen," he said, "nothing can stop them now!" And then Borges notes:"I realised he was as terrified as I was".

In other words -- and am I not breaking Godwin's law -- there are moments in politics when, on one side, no-one really wants to win. That was the curse of the McCain campaign. Deep down they knew that McCain's moment was 2000, and that it had passes. But they kept going, against a historical moment which, deep deep down, most of them -- and that may well include John McCain himself -- wanted to happen, and, deep deep down, did not want to stand in the way of.

For those of us who committed ourselves to the left, whatever that means, these are great days not because of what Obama will do, but because of what he will not do -- because he will normalise progressive, moderate, multilateral, modernised politics in the US and in the western world, and that is the context in which we will work.

If you want to see some graciousness in that moment, read (sections of) the US conservative press. If you want to read bitterness and incomprehension about it, read Albrechtsen and Sheridan in The Oz today.

For the rest of us it is tears and laughter, laughter and tears. For all the people I've marched with, argued with, whatever, this is a moment. I have no compunction at all about feeling part of this in however distant a manner. For the right, globally, you will have to reinvent yourselves. You are the Whigs in the 1850s. You are about to cease to exist.

Tears and laughter and laughter and tears.

Election prediction - fingers crossed

2008-11-03T20:18:00.000-08:00

Even more Pol-LOLs

2008-11-03T18:11:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is the last lot - just in case this is the last of Sarah Palin both an appealing concept though one in which the LOLs are harder to come by. And we'll see much less Tina Fey. Vote, then wait, then celebrate!

Hope for Change

2008-11-02T14:41:00.000-08:00

It's almost time for the US election. I'm nervous as all hell - more than is possibly reasonable given I'm not a US citizen and don't have any particular bond with the US of A. Still, in the spirit of hope and ROFLing I present my last selection of campaign LOLs from Pundit Kitchen. You should do the same!

For a good cause

2008-10-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

This Saturday I'll be volunteering at the Sydney Food and Wine Fair. It's at Hyde Park from noon to 5pm - get there either very early or very late if you do not care to queue and coupon purchases go to the very worthy AIDS Trust of Australia. The restaurants offering up grub are some of the nicest and fanciest in Sydney including Cafe Sydney, Quay and Guillaume at Bennelong. And if you need more incentive, here's a review of the fair in 2006 with scrumptious pictures.

It's obviously genetic

2008-10-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

My little brother will this weekend be doing the 2008 MS bike ride from Wollongong to Sydney. It's a 90km ride. I think that sounds like quite a long way. He and his best friend will be doing the ride together treating it as a pedalling pub crawl. There was even talk of next year doing it on a tandem bicycle.

Love it. Wish I'd thought of it first.

New methods of campaigning

2008-10-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

The latest American election has seen some new and super innovative ways of candidates communicating with supporters (like Barack on Twitter) and the public showing their support.

My favourite development is Yes We Carve - making Halloween 'Barack O'Lantern's'. Too too good.

Surprising

2008-10-27T16:40:00.001-07:00

Apparently the Oporto vegie burger sans mayo is vegan. I am surprised. Also - 3am drunken snacking here I come!

Mixed metaphors in Austria: Jörg's demise

2008-10-23T10:57:00.000-07:00

There is clearly something lost in translation in this comment on Jörg Haider's death and the subsequent visits in preparation for the service:

'"We wanted the kids to feel the enormity of the occasion. After all, he is our Lady Di and this is our 9/11,"says Anton Krem, 45.'

Eh?

The truth is apparently also insulting:

'In the Pumpe pub on Benediktiner Platz in Klagenfurt, drinkers sit around whispering about how Haider died. The figure "142" is repeated often. That is the speed (in kilometres an hour) at which he was driving when he crashed his VW Phaeton on Saturday night. The news has by now filtered down that he was drunk at the wheel.

"Some say he was criminal because he was drunk, but that's an insult," says Christa, a 17-year-old who was among the country's new young voters (the voting age is 16), who gave her support to Haider's BZO in elections two weeks ago. "He did so much for everyone."

And therefore couldn't be drunk? Teutonic logic has obviously not extended into Austria.

Also - there seems to be some inevitable rule that the more conservative a politician is the more likely he is to die returning from a gay bar under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I'm just sayin'...

More politics

2008-10-21T21:59:00.000-07:00

Judge people by the company they keep?

Goths for Obama FTW!

LOL Summaries of complex political issues

2008-10-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

Snowed under with uni and travel packing but still finding time to procrastinate/contemplate the state of politics through LOLs. Its amazing how a well captioned picture can stand in for such complex political moments.

The Joe the plumber saga (nb Joe the 'uncommitted voter' is also a registered member of the Republican party):

On the idea that black people who vote for Obama are voting purely on racial lines:

And those slurs? Well...

Over the shoulder bazoonga holders

2008-10-14T16:31:00.000-07:00

As someone with what some refer to as a 'generous pair' my sympathy was captured by the uplift bras project. The programs accepts donations of used or unwanted bras and sends them to Pacific Island countries where a bra might cost as much as a weeks wages and are quite important for women to feel comfortable in Western clothes in work environments or more secure working on farms etc.

I have some spares from the days that I still believed I could squeeze into a D Cup (oh, those were the days) and I'm collecting from my mother and her friends and will send them off in a few weeks. So c'mon ladies and drag queens - pitch in!

Our reward is free license to ogle Gisele Bunchen's rack. For research purposes obviously.

A change in course

2008-10-08T23:31:00.000-07:00

I have been engaging in this:

Well, that's not entirely true. I'm not really blogging it but I am experiencing a temporary bout of veganness.

Undoubtably there will be some sniggers from those who have seen me inhale steak tartare before, but nevertheless.

No idea where thisvegan desire has come from but it is a good thing: for the planet, for my health and probably for my lovely le creuset pots who have been getting a little bored of the routine of late. They're ever so surprised to see so many lentils now.

Accurate representations of the VP debates

2008-10-07T22:27:00.001-07:00

President Obama

2008-10-07T20:46:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to actually believe in an Obama win.
I feel like a political groupie - I'll be taking Election day off work, be down the pub and glued to every vote. And I'm looking forward to election day more than I thought possible for an election in another country.

In the meantime, this is my favourite picture of the campaign. It's getting a lot of use over at Pundit Kitchen but I think it deserves a moment of its own.

Roos shall rue the day

2008-10-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

Something of Miranda Devine's last article/incoherent rant about leftist scum reminds me of my childhood. Her ranting about how terribly vile kangaroo meat is and how, no matter what Ross Garnaut says she will not eat it reminds me of my 5 year old self confronted with lambchops and a stern mother. Listen to her pretty much quoting me directly: 'I don't want to eat kangaroo. Ever. It's dark, chewy, gamey and smelly'.

Note also that on past diatribes against the 'anti-meat culture' of greenies Miranda has owned up that she doesn't really like or eat meat at all suggesting her arguments against roo would apply equally to other forms of less Garnaut endorsed flesh.

As for her idea that 'Beef and lamb will be reserved only for the very wealthy in the brave new future [Garnault] envisages' - I think this is currently already the case - meat eaters without exorbitant budgets are eating cheaper meats (turkey and roo) and cheaper cuts of good meats (chuck, blade). Even more sensible meat eaters are realising that consuming huge chunks of flesh is not an everyday necessity but that there are many marvellous meals to be made based on vegetables, grains, nuts, fish, whatever.

For those that do like roo though, this is marvellous:

Rare roo with balsamic

Heat olive oil or butter in a pan until really hot. Place roo fillets (not steak, fillets) in pan and sear for 1 to maximum 2 minutes per side. Salt and pepper. Remove and let rest for 5 minutes before slicing. After roo is out of the pan add in a good sploosh of balsamic vinegar and thinly sliced shallots (white & green), fry for a minute or so and then pour over the meat to serve.

Serve with red wine (shiraz) and a copy of the Communist Manifesto.

Notes from a bureaucracy

2008-09-30T23:53:00.001-07:00

Highlights from yesterday's work meeting:

- Discussion about whether PD for new tech position was for 'Senior nerds' or 'Uber nerds'

- Trying to find correct metaphor for our organisation and how it relates to climate change. A choice between tug boat to Titanic, tug boat for Queen Mary or tug boat to the Love Boat.

- Discussions about 'dewatered cake'. Even less pleasant than you might imagine.

Profanity filter fail

2008-09-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

My work clearly has an issue with macrobiotic vegan lunch products. No Iku.com.au for me.

Clearly another part of the Man's conspiracy...

A pictorial representation of Torts

2008-09-17T17:41:00.001-07:00

If I was an academic I would help my students remember particularly important points using Lolcat memory aids. Like this:

Liability in tort:
Duty of care? But of course - it are a kitteh after all.
Breach of duty? Clearly, reasonably forseeable that kitteh will require boxhab after this episode. And so it goes. It is possibly lucky that I am a desk monkey rather than an academic.

Lolling for change

2008-09-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

In which I once more advocate the political potential of LolCats.

Who could vote for that gun-hungry lady when confronted by these fuzzy faces?

I also notice that Pundit Kitchen is very consistently Lolling in support of young Barak. The youth have spoken!

Neo-con-logism

2008-09-09T23:05:00.001-07:00

This is possibly no longer appropriate given the state of the Palin offspring of the same name:

Bristol fashion
PRONUNCIATION:(BRIS-tl FASH-uhn)
MEANING:adjective: In good order.
ETYMOLOGY:We know the term is coined after Bristol, England, but we are not so certain why. Some believe the term alludes to the prosperity of the city from its flourishing shipping business. Others claim that the term arose as a result of the very high tidal range of the port of Bristol: at low tides ships moored here would go aground and if everything on the ship was not stowed away properly, chaos would result. The term is often used to describe boats and typically used in the phrase "shipshape and Bristol fashion".

Oh the sharp, shooting irony. Or is that the terror that they may fall for SP? *shudders*

Pouty

2008-09-01T23:21:00.000-07:00

Of late things have been somewhat 'trying' in that Stella Gibbons kind of a way. Nothing to do about it but soldier on, eat truffles as often as possible and perhaps affect a little pout. Much as my man Karl does.

There. That's better.

Special for your subaltern friend at the Bad Spelling Cafe

2008-08-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

The rudest game in the world

2008-08-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

I recently shared with dear friends bads33d and scarlet the best game in the world. It requires no special equipment other than a reasonable vocabulary and a dirty mind. It's called 'I'd like to verb your noun'. The challenge being to generate a sentence that follows the format of "I'd like to your " that does not sound like a filthy double entendre. Try it, it's harder than you think.

And finally this place has the official shirt:

Alternate option: Fail part 2

2008-08-25T17:45:00.000-07:00

Same website. Different suggestion fail.

Pushing it.

2008-08-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

I love that Amazon learns what I like through my wish lists and purchases. It's even quite intellectually flattering when it sends you a little email to note that you might enjoy the latest book of obscure European philosophy that was just released.

Sometimes the learning is quirky and funny, as with the well known sexuality detection skills of TIVO.

Having recently tried an online nutrition program (tragic I know) I'm starting to wonder what it thinks of me. I do drink a lot of green tea but the following recommendation seems a bit of a stretch:

Meet Matt. He's a fun-ghi

2008-08-16T23:15:00.000-07:00

The King Oyster mushrooms that have been appearing in fruit shops across town. They're quite regal indeed but what does one do with them?

Lost in translation

2008-08-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

Prime ministerial commentary on the Georgian conflict:

Medvedev branded Saakashvili a "lunatic" as he outlined tough terms to the French leader, in effect demanding Georgian capitulation to vastly superior Russian forces.
"The difference between lunatics and other people is that when they smell blood it is very difficult to stop them," Medvedev said. "So you have to use surgery."

Is that a threat?

Confusing.

A fork in the road

2008-08-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

It appears that some of my favourite bloggers like qp and ms fits are dropping out, or at least not dropping in as much as they once did. Seems to me the way to keep interest in keeping on would be to decide on some kind of core thematic and focus on that, so I wonder, what is it to be?

Options are:

Food Upside: I'm obsessed with eating. Downside: my food photos are terrible.

Politics Upside: lots of interest in it. Downside: tendency to get ranty. Really really ranty.

Pictures Upside: relatively little effort. Downside: I work in an office so would generally be limited to the bus ride in and pictures of rude words on my calculator.

Cartoons Upside: would be hilarious. Downside: I can't draw.

Personal reflections Upside: ego stoking. Downside: my personal and emotional life would make for rather dull reading.

Diary of sexual adventures Upside: kooky and risque. Downside: would possibly not meet with the approval of my SO.

Something new and interesting Upside: I would be teh cool. Downside: Can't think of anything.

Oh dear, it's all quite dire! Kind gods of the internets, please guide me safely through your tubes..

Dedication

2008-08-04T21:25:00.000-07:00

Oh Mi Goreng you saviour of foods. I salute you. With a fried egg and some bok choy you are an almost rounded meal. Cooked quickly in the middle of the night you give me powers to resist late night drunken pizza indulgence. When overseas, you taste like home.

And I salute the forward thinkning young man I saw in the Market City IGA buying you by the box. Those are serious snacking preparations. Respect.

Cooking school for lawyers

2008-07-28T16:04:00.001-07:00

Back studying of an evening and most disappointed to hear that there will be no tortes in torts. What happened to the much lauded interdisciplinarity?

On the list

2008-07-23T22:11:00.000-07:00

It's frustrating being an eco-kid and trying to live ethically when others who one might think would be on the same side do not. The following people will be reported to Captain Planet and the Planeteers who will no doubt ensure they come to a sticky end:

* People who buy cage eggs when they can afford free range. Very mean. If you want to torment chickens do it in person.
* People who take plastic bags for a single item. Especially if that item is a newspaper. Turtles hate you.
* People who do not put bells on their cats, especially if they let them out at night. Stupid.
* People who don't recycle, especially when the recyc bin is less than a metre from the regular bin. Too lazy to be true.
* People who drive for trips that are less than 1km and do not involve carrying pianos or whitegoods.
* People who drive to work by themselves in a car every day when they could take public transport and then arrive at the office to complain about the traffic, the price of petrol and air quality. Aaaaaargh!

Ambrosia

2008-07-15T23:57:00.000-07:00

I have long asserted (most often drunkenly) that not only dumpling the perfect food, but that the genius of stuffing something in something else and serving with some kind of sauce was evidenced by the fact that almost all cultures has their own version of the 'dumpling'. We have dumplings and gyoza and ravioli and so on. I have also been known to argue for quenelles as a form of dumpling. And finally, with the wonder of Wiki, I have some proof - here.

Next stop - proving my 'everything has 3 layers' theory...

JC is down wit u

2008-07-14T19:32:00.000-07:00

More hilarity from Rh Von Lux.

SMS from Pope Benedict XVI to pilgrims for WYD this morning:

'Young friend, God and his people expect much from u because u have within you the Fathers supreme gift: the Spirit of Jesus - BXVI'

Should have been:
'Yo mofo, God & his peeps xpect much frm u cos u has w/i u Dad's gift++:
Spirit of G.sus kthx B16 :)'

Lyrical stormings of the Bastille

2008-07-13T21:07:00.001-07:00

R Von Lux's take on the lyrics of the Marseilleise:

Leader of the resistance: "They come right here among us to slaughter our sons and wives!"

*whispered aside from Aide*

*Leader covers microphone with hand, whispers* "We have daughters? Merde/who knew."

The best LOL ever. EVER.

2008-04-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

Friday night @ Onde

2008-04-20T03:17:00.000-07:00

A Friday night dinner with friends and this:

Onde's rather delightful duck confit with poached apple segments and walnuts. A charming combination with the duck done so it was perfectly tender and dripping off the bone whilst retaining it's moist sweetness. Putting the duck on the salad had the rather nice boon that the dressing was essentially duck juice - always a fan of the old French tradition of dressing salads with meat juices.

With a too busy schedule and a need to have at least a semblance of a life outside of university and work, these Friday night dinners have become rather the highlight of my week. And to have a few passable bottles of shiraz and cheerfully passionate discussions about the future of state politics, the actions of St Kevin of Canberra and the like? Divine.

Victorian Clouds

2008-04-18T22:10:00.000-07:00

For bads33d who occasionally pines for Southern shores.

Meilleur en France

2008-04-16T22:55:00.000-07:00

I very much enjoyed the film Waitress. It's a little kooky, has a charming and witty script and involves much cooking. I do however think that the Americanness of the cuisine was somewhat of a dissapointment.

Here's how I imagine the pies would have looked if the movie was French:

The 'Weekend in Sardinia' pie:

Amaretti crust filled with creme brulee and topped with blood orange marmalade glaze and honey poached mandarin segments.

The 'Winter evening in Melbourne' pie:

Sweetened shortcrust pastry crust filled with cinnamon poached pears and caramelised pecans. Served with clotted cream.

The 'Broken heart' pie:

Hazelnut meal pastry crust filled with frangipane studded with red currants, wild strawberries and raspberries topped with minted sugar crystals.

The 'Hot and heavy kissing' pie:

Chilli cocoa pastry crust lined with dark coverture chocolate filled with marbled white and dark chocolate mousse topped with chocolate dipped sweet basil leaves.

I would serve these all with either a strong cup of Earl Grey tea with a slice of lemon or, if you preferred, a cup of strong black coffee - halfway between an espresso and a long black.

The hardest job on earth

2008-04-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

Obviously, as we are told so frequently, being a mother is the hardest job on earth. But there are some others that might just come close for those who are not quite ready for the full challenge:

* Mossad/PLO double agent
* Zimbabwean Bank Manager
* President of Italy
* Columbian Soccer player
* UN weapons inspector
* Liberal Party leader (federal)
* Liberal Party leader (NSW)

The things you learn when you fly

2008-04-11T11:58:00.000-07:00

From the VirginBlue website:

The only item that can occupy a seat (apart from a Guest of course) is a cello. To book an extra seat for your cello please call the Guest Contact Centre.

I am utterly charmed by this and almost tempted to take up an instrument myself...

Cloudsley : Look up

2008-01-31T01:12:00.000-08:00

Sydney has had the rockingist clouds of late. Enjoy:

Enterfence

2008-01-16T23:32:00.000-08:00

WTF?

"Last week the Arizona-based company Taser International unveiled a new device that combines the Taser with an MP3 player, saying the technology affords people a less cumbersome way to protect themselves while on the move."

It is in America, so I am tempted to say "only in America.." but I'm not so sure that's going to hold. Gosh knows - one of these might help foil a terrorist attack/un-Australian activity of some kind.

I want a precision rifle built into my mobile phone. And also some capsicum spray in my laptop.

Then I'll feel really safe.

Voting with cuteness

2008-01-09T02:47:00.000-08:00

Politics has changed. Srsly.

The way people engage with politics has changed. Srsly.

Do you think that the Ancient Greeks/forefathers in America or whomever you want to credit with our current democratic system envisaged a world in which a global communication technology could be used by a "fan" of a politician to offer kitten-shaped condolences after she lost one of the democratic caucus preselections?

I actually, rather in spite of myself I confess, think this might be a step in the right direction.

There ain't no rainbow in the baggy whites

2008-01-07T15:46:00.000-08:00

The Indian cricket team are accusing the Australian team of being hypocrites and cry babies for complaining about racist sledging because the Aussies are apparently known for doing it themselves. Upon which in the past the Indian team have complained.

The Australian team are outraged at the racial sledging of one of their players. Though in the past they have downplayed the comments they have delivered.

Cricket fans have been appalled with the Indian teams behaviour. Never mind that they have their own variety of borderline racist chants and epithets.

And the United Indian Association of Australia argues that "monkey" is not a derogatory term because one of the major Hindu gods is a monkey.

also:

The Japanese are accusing Australia of racism in the recent anti-whaling campaigns. Interesting this accusation didn't come under the Howard Government really. The Japanese record on these matters not being blemish free of course.

NEWSFLASH:

Shouting loudly and pointing at someone elses racism doesn't work so well if your credibility is quite low on these matters. Remember JWH? I thought so. You're all a bunch of silly monkeys. F'real.

Huzzah!

2007-12-31T19:39:00.000-08:00

Salient political commentary

2007-12-10T22:46:00.000-08:00

From Toothpaste for Dinner:

The little dictator who could

2007-12-04T17:05:00.000-08:00

It seems no small irony that it is Kim Jong-Il who looks set to be the only member of the axis of evil who is not directly in the crosshairs of Uncle Sam.

- Iraq cooperated with weapons inspections to a reasonable* extent and despite the reports of
Hans Blix and others saying that their weapons program had been dismantled was still attacked due to it's possession of WMDS. Which were never found.

- Iran's president has been reasonably up-front about the state of their weapons program announcing loudly that yes, they were enriching uranium but no, they had no bombs. American spies have now come through with the shocking discovery that this was true. The US government response, rather counter-intuitively perhaps, is to essentially threaten military action just to make sure.

- In North Korea lil' Kim sends a couple of ICBMs flying over Japan, taunts the USA with the delivery systems it is designing for it's nukes. He's only one step from hosting his own Hello! world exclusive in one of the factories where he gently and fondly pats the bombs whilst extolling their weight, uranium content and possible destinations. He then offers to stop his program if sanctions are lifted and he can sit at the table with the big boys. And it works.

HE IS CLEARLY A GENIUS.

* No they didn't make it easy. But then again, when so much of the rest of the world (France, USA, Israel etc) is 'allowed' to have nukes it's rather impressive that they capitulated at all.

Erection dissection

2007-11-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

After a rather sensational drubbing on the weekend the Liberals are mid finger-pointing and re-branding already...

The Blame Game

Unfortunately this game is one pioneered by many brave souls who are now on their way out of parliament and most fingers are pointed towards the little chap who stayed at the party even though the other guests were starting the washing up in their jammies. To be fair this was probably a big factor in Bennelong, but from what I saw in Wentworth and other seats the "brand" the Libs were campaigning on was their local candidate rather than JWH.

There is some indication by Liberal supporters that people got "relaxed and comfortable" (sounds familiar?) and started taking the economy for granted. I'd love to say this is the case but I think Rudd's economic conservative mantra did in fact comfort a lot of people who then wanted to know what *else* politics had to offer except economic policy - to do the ALPies credit on this the answer involved: health, education and environment - not a bad trio. I personally suspect that there has been somewhat of a realisation of the fact that the "resources boom" actually has little to do with the Howard government but was attributable to a complex mix of geography and market forces - as far as economic management goes selling coal when pretty much everyone in the world wants it isn't exactly the equivalent of sub-zero water to Inuits.

The New Opposition:

With the Liberal opposition candidates dropping like flies I was slightly concerned that these incredible predictions were coming before their time. Now it seems they've stopped hiding behind each other and hat and gauntlet throwing is the order to the day.

Brendan Nelson is an unusual decision to say the least - a good argument about why the irrational beast of "caucus numbers" should probably be tamed. His merits as a contender have been admirably covered by another blogger far wittier than myself:
The third contender is outgoing Defence Minister Brendan Nelson, who used to be a member of the Labor Party, used to be president of the Australian Medical Association, and used to wear an earring. None of these things apply today, and in the current leadership tussle his main attributes would appear to be his unbelievably monotonous voice and his resemblance to the dad from Thunderbirds. Although history is against him as nobody has won an election by convincing the voters that he is a heroic marionette since Andrew Fisher in 1910.

Julie Bishop scares the bejeezus out of me and I'm a little nervous of saying anything negative about her as I'm sure that given she doesn't blink she can see the whole world. Julie, you're better than Bronwyn...

Alas, the combinations we might have had:

Bronwyn Bishop/Tony Abbott : The beehive & the mad-monk - they could be a postmodern folk-electro outfit
Alexander Downer/Alex Hawke: One in fishnets the other a nutty hard Righter brought together by the party they love and both being called Alex

I could go on but I'd best not.

xx

We've only just begun...

2007-11-25T13:33:00.000-08:00

Not only does our potential to engage in, talk about and direct politics not end with our vote but I have a cunning plan:

Kevin 07
Kevin 11
Maxine 15
and then the glory years of a Bob Brown Green Government.

Pass it on...

Oh, and others seem to agree with this trajectory here.
Overly optimistic? Probably. But god, it's a damn sight better than how I've felt for the last 11 years.

Existentialism in the tropics

2007-11-10T15:45:00.000-08:00

The Singaporean government is seemingly determined that it's citizens develop on all levels. Look at this for example:

It is posted at MRT stations, presumably to help travellers ponder life's imponderables as they wait for their train. It worked for me.

This is not a food blog

2007-11-08T18:35:00.000-08:00

Many other bloggers (especially the talented and beautiful trixie) are able to wax lyrical about food in the most edible and attractive ways, I on the other hand am very very good at eating but take rather lacklustre photos of what is on my plate and have my mouth too full to talk about it. Still:

This was one of the best things I have ever put in my mouth. It is from Madame Saigon in Singapore and is billed on the menu as grilled eggplant with black glutinous rice. Some heavenly alchemy must have occurred here however as there is no way those 2 ingredients form the smoky, sweet, unctuous chopstick loads that I savoured, the addition of mint, fried onion and thai basil made it almost too much. I have a standing offer of marriage to anyone who can teach me how to make this.

Le 80s Wheels Fest

2007-10-18T07:25:00.000-07:00

The French indulged today in one of their favourite pastimes: a strike. Well, that's not entirely accurate; the metro staff had a strike (struck?) and the rest of the population walked to work pretending that it was a pain to be out in the light early Autumn breeze with the sun gently blazing and lighting up all the Haussmann buildings and the over-prevalent architectural wonders with that magnificent Parisian glow.

But not everyone walked, I was passed by more than 5 men in business suits roller blading. There were also 2 roller-skating. In the absence of public transport this was apparently the logical alternative, tremendous!

French police also indulge:

Wash colours seperately

2007-10-11T07:01:00.000-07:00

The seeming inability of the Belgian political parties to actually form a coalition government is of slight concern it must be admitted. For all their differences I'm inclined to wonder why they don't just form a "Not Vlaams Belang" group.

Not just because they are parochial xenophobes ranting about a non-existent pure Flemish race and language but because they can't help but being Belgian on their posters and printing them in Flemish *and* French. One wonders why they haven't included German on there as well.

Unfeminism

2007-10-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

I know women politicians often get judged on their appearances much more than their male counterparts. I know this is sexist/wrong/unfair and so on.

But seriously, People of Ukraine, how can you keep voting for this hair?

What a marvellous specimen Ioulia Timochenko is.

Unusual hobbies..

2007-09-30T15:17:00.000-07:00

"So, what did you do on your vacation to Paris?"
"Oh the usual, took photos of every Van Gogh painting at the Musee d'Orsay"

I think it must be either:
1. A very tricky high tech counterfeiting ring
or
2. Preparation for the worlds longest "My vacation in Paris" slideshow.

(Then again, I'm one to talk; I take photos of tourists)

Loud exclamation of joy!

2007-09-28T07:00:00.001-07:00

Certain people within my life have a tendency to overuse particular words. I myself confess to an overuse of "meanwhile". Others overuse words as diverse as "blah blah", "dommage" and the ever charming "neat" (you know who you are). As endearing as these might be, it is the use by a certain young man of my acquaintance of "huzzah" and other such archaic exclamations that most tickles my fancy.

Here is another place, and in a similar spirit, this word is used:

Book III. (Duodecimo), chapter 1. (Huzza Porpoise).—This is the common porpoise found almost all over the globe. The name is of my own bestowal; for there are more than one sort of porpoises, and something must be done to distinguish them. I call him thus, because he always swims in hilarious shoals, which upon the broad sea keep tossing themselves to heaven like caps in a Fourth-of-July crowd. Their appearance is generally hailed with delight by the mariner. Full of fine spirits, they invariably come from the breezy billows to windward. They are the lads that always live before the wind. They are accounted a lucky omen. If you yourself can withstand three cheers at beholding these vivacious fish, then heaven help ye; the spirit of godly gamesomeness is not in ye. A well-fed, plump Huzza Porpoise will yield you one good gallon of good oil. But the fine and delicate fluid extracted from his jaws is exceedingly valuable. It is in request among jewellers and watchmakers. Sailors put it on their hones. Porpoise meat is good eating, you know. It may never have occurred to you that a porpoise spouts. Indeed, his spout is so small that it is not very readily discernible. But the next time you have a chance, watch him; and you will then see the great Sperm whale himself in miniature.

From: Moby Dick - Herman Melville

Best Etymology Ever

2007-09-27T00:54:00.001-07:00

"Vaudeville"
From French vaudeville, from Old French vaudevire, a shorteningof chanson du Vau de Vire (song of the Valley of Vire), from Vire, a valley of Calvados, Normandy in France where satirical folk songs were composed by Olivier Basselin in the fifteenth century

Relationships

2007-09-22T10:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the world tries to tell you that your union is not a good idea. These people at Cimetière Monparnasse did not listen:

Putting the P in PCF etc,

2007-09-16T15:29:00.000-07:00

Day 2 of the Communist Party to end all communist parties looked a little like this:

These are the communists from my hood in Paris. I quite like the jogging Eiffel Tower on their logo, tres revolutionary. It's perhaps only a minor fact that the Eiffel Tower is not actually in the 13eme.

Artisinal glass blowing is inherently radical as it involves reclaiming the means of production. At least I assume that was what this was about - the man providing the running commentary had one of those regional French accents that sounds like being halfway through swallowing a large piece of sausage.

And finally the obligatory rag tag selection of nutcases playing the Internationale. Note that I actually managed to also capture a man in a beret in the shot. Authenticity oh yes.

Communist Party Parties

2007-09-16T00:55:00.000-07:00

Some great moments at the Fête de l’Humanité:

For those who grew up reading Asterix the word 'menhir' never fails to provoke a chuckle:

This little boy was sitting on his father's shoulders clutching his racing car balloon and gggling at Iggy Pop when he came on stage and said "nous sommes les fucking Stooges". French children are definitely the bomb. Alas I have no photos of the tiny Communist children running around in their berets and Che t-shirts.

There's something rather marvellous about all of the PCF (Parti Communiste Français) tents. Each of them have a bar generally serving whatever the local liquid specialty is, a restaurant or food counter selling anything from grilled andouillette to local oysters to paella made in giant paella pans to foie gras to wild boar salami and so on through all of the regional specialties of France. It's partially this regional flavour that makes the whole affair feel so dynamic and alive but it's also the defeat of the left in the last election that seems to have shaken them all up a bit.. should be interesting to see what happens from here.

And I love this slogan:

Politics can be beautiful. I like that.

LolKu

2007-09-13T13:22:00.000-07:00

You questioned my claim
That lolcats were rather complex
I gots ur buckit

Evidence:
im in ur programz, codin in ur dialect: LOLCode and Feline Dialectology
LOL Lexicography
Lolcode
Irish Gaelic LolCait

Please also note:

Things that make me happy #1

2007-09-13T00:29:00.000-07:00

Oeuf-Mayonnaise: One of lifes great pleasures

Duh

2007-08-25T02:32:00.000-07:00

The NSW Liberal George Souris says: "NSW is not Paris" and this is why licensing laws should not change.

Thankfully the divine Ms Clover Moore knows that we can aspire to something.. ;)

Who would you choose to run the country?

2007-08-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

I thought the ALPs had conquered cool in politics with the preselection Peter Garrett. He is rather dapper and certainly has enough lefty cred to sometimes satisfy me..

But Russia has lifted the Iron Curtain to reveal the smouldering eyes and penchant for checks of the Elvis of Chess.

They're both well suited to politics in their very different ways but I bet Kasparov would scare the bejeezus out of whoever he was sitting across from in parliament..

He could be thinking about anything with that steel-trap mind. He's probably even friends with Uri Geller.

More power to him.

For the record

2007-08-20T00:52:00.000-07:00

Since it seems the done thing at the moment I should like to inform the Australian population that I have not been to a strip club. Although I wouldn't mind changing this..

And *bless* Bob Brown again:

"Four years ago, Kevin Rudd got drunk and took himself into a strip club," Senator Brown said.
"Four years ago, John Howard, sober, took Australia into the Iraq war. I think the electorate can judge which one did the more harm," he said.

The man gets my vote and my knickers thrown at the podium.

Tainting the broth

2007-08-16T01:02:00.000-07:00

The gay community can do without Alan Jones.
The red-heads of Australia can do without Pauline Hanson.
The Australian population could do without Olivia Newton-John.

Discuss.

I Claudia

2007-08-08T11:53:00.000-07:00

Am now here on I can't believe it's not Friendster.

I also hereby submit notice that my autobiography shall hilariously be called: I Claudia.

xx

Couldn't Resist

2007-08-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately I have copped a lethal dose of StalkBook and have neglected my political ranting (online at least - still going at it in bars of the world with the rest of them). However.. God Gerard Henderson is an irksome little wart!

I do love this part of this article though:

"During the initial hearing before the Federal Court on July 18, Justice Jeffrey Spender effectively ridiculed the Crown's case. He maintained that he, too, would fail such a character test because he has "been associated with persons suspected of criminal conduct". The implication of Spender's comment is that there is no difference between the judges or barristers who, as part of their profession, have associated with individuals suspected of criminal conduct"

Lets get this clear; lawyers and their ilk DO interact with people who have engaged in criminal conduct. That's their job. You've got to worry a little about people who choose this as a profesion don't you? That aside, surely we've all at some time been associated with individuals suspected of criminal conduct in one way or another.. sure there's a big difference between fare evasion or a little spliff and terrorism but the logic is the same. How far does our culpability extend?

2007-06-18T12:58:00.000-07:00

Cant update from here. Keyboards are whack. All in wrong place. xx

Cast the first stone..

2007-05-31T16:33:00.001-07:00

I'm sure that i'm not the only feminist who squirms a little when the topic of Islam's treatment of women is raised. Not in a kind of cultural relativism we-can't-criticize-because-that-would-be-racist way but mainly because it seems to me that on questions of Islamic oppression of women, feminists end up with some rather unsavoury neo-con bedfellows.

After many rather heated debates over the last few weeks i found this article on Ayaan Hirsi Ali which is exactly what i've been trying to express but have not managed to do so quite succinctly. I had also never realized that this woman who is so against asylum seekers especially if they are found to have fudged any of the details of their claim fudged her own asylum application for the Netherlands.

The idea of a monolithic religion and culture seems so far removed from what i have heard about Islamic culture that it seems to make as much sense to equate the Taliban's treatment of women with that of Islam generally as it makes to equate the treatment of women by the Bulldogs as representative of all Australian attitudes. A monolithic view of Islam thus ends up propogating the arguments of the fundamentalists within the religion and not respecting the fact that many muslims are more progressive and are working to change and challenge their religion.
It's more than a little condescending to suggest to these people that they are so oppressed that they just don't know any better.

Considering how recent many developments in gender and racial equality are in western countries it's a little rich to suggest we have the monopoly on non-opressive social relations. Frankly, many of the conservatives who criticize Islam for its treatment of women have not made a peep about inequalities within their own societies and instead seem to spend an inordinate time calling uppity women "femonazis".

It is amazing how Ali has fought back against some of the more insidious parts of Islam and feminism can do with more outspoken and fearless advocates even if we do end up disagreeing with some of their conclusions..

A ticket a tusket

2007-05-28T18:38:00.000-07:00

I love this story from the SMH about an elephant demanding road-toll in bananas and vegetables from motorists in India. It seems so wonderfully organised.

The elephant is referred to the article as "the Tusker". Makes him sound like an elephantine superhero...

I'm just waiting for my lycra people..

The headline you always wanted to write

2007-05-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

Copy editors wait for years for this kind of opportunity:

"Bride search success for Google co-founder"

Hilarious.

Clash of cultures

2007-05-09T20:22:00.000-07:00

I normally find most NineMSN most painful because of those insidious little opinion polls which you are faced with after logging out from hotmail.
Eg:
Do you think the Australian government is killing Iraqis for their own good? Yes No
Yes 25397 Votes
No 412 Votes

But today it got even better.

I present: Luxor Mahjong for your delectation and cultural collage purposes.

Cleopatra would not have approved.
And then she would have enjoyed some sushi chased down with a bud light.

Actually existing socialism

2007-05-02T20:32:00.000-07:00

K.Rudd has nothing on the worker-related photo opps that Wen Jiabao pulls... This is just bewdiful:

And after raiding their lunchboxes, he pitches in to help:

Kissing babies is for pussies.

Snip snip.

2007-05-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

I have not until this day felt such a passionate urge to Bobbit someone as when i read this interview with the lovely Bill Heffernan. It's a roller coaster of nasty things and dirty thoughts.

Firstly, to suggest that Julia Gillard is not fit for leadership because of her "deliberately barren'' state is utterly offensive and unworthy even of the Liberal party. The idea that even after years of feminism someone could still assert that women can't really fit in or be effective unless they have children is almost unbelievable. If it's all about understanding family, then surely the fact that we play parts in our own families (as sister, aunt, daughter, mother etc) gives us the experience that would be neccesary to fulfil this criteria. Really though, even this kind of supposition is ridiculous, it's not like women need children to make them more empathic or more able to take the human angle into account, we've pretty much got the monopoly on that one fellas.

Bills explanation is as stomach turning as it is incompreensible: "One of the great understandings in a community is family, and the relationship between mum, dad and a bucket of nappies." Is it particularly the fecal matter of children that bonds communities or could we substitute other animals i wonder?

Reasons Julia might need sprogs to lead the ALP:
1. Practice "time-outs" for when parliament gets too rowdy
2. Possible introduction of "naughty seat" technique
3. Developement of go-to-your-room arms (the ones that wobble for a little after the arm has been stretched out)
4. To learn the importance of wet-wipes (would have stood Bill CLinton in good stead after all)
5. So they can go to private schools and fool around with kids of the Liberal party hacks

and so it goes.

Time Machine

2007-04-18T17:57:00.000-07:00

The Business Council of Australia warned, "You cannot support productivity growth in the 21st century while turning back the clock to a 1990s or 1980s workplace relations system." (West Australian 18/4/07)

Instead we propose going back to the early industrial revolution era before minimum hour weeks and penalty wages...

Just like fashion, politics has it's own retro movements, the nostalgic nod back to Whitlam or Keating. The fond recollections of Menzies and Joh. Just like fashion it will also continue to keep reviving moments from it's past sometimes because they are classics (the LBD/enterprise bargaining), because they are reminiscent of a more wholesome era (twin sets & pearls/hardcore censorship laws) or because they appeal to the elites (Haute couture/tax breaks for bussiness). Everyone's got to heark back to some era, i'll take the 80s and 90s ideas of workers rights and Salt n' Pepa over the alternative proposal of economic policies from the 19th Century and social mores from the 1950s.

The miracle of the VPL

2007-03-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

Weasel: About John Paul II's possible miracles to qualify for sainthood (from smh): "a number of inexplicable recoveries from cancer as well as "miraculous pregnancies" were among the potential miracles reviewed"

I believe there's another way of describing 'miraculous pregnancies'..

CVM: What about the miracle of the church causing more war, assisting the spread of HIV and only really being a bunch of nancies poncing about in dresses and wearing ridiculously large hats?

Now that is a miracle.

Weasel: "In world news today, John Paul II was canonised for the miracle of being taken seriously while wearing drag and a big hat and being considered a humanitarian whilst being responsible for the deaths of millions... the canonisation of Pope Benedict now looks assured, as > his ascendancy to papal office itself after being a member of hitler youth is widely considered a miracle"

"Miracles by the dozen" - I love it.

Reasons to keep that subscription..

2007-02-06T19:37:00.000-08:00

As a symptom of a not misspent enough youth i find myself a proud and sometimes confused member of P.Ruddy's press release email list. Most of the time it's this or that judge being appointed here or there but every-so-often the full text from one of his doorstop interviews is uploaded. We all already know that he has all the personal charm and charisma of a McDonalds Chicken McNugget but reading his thoughts about why other people can't get married is particularly hearwarming.

First he identifies a problem with the ACT civil union legislation:

The first is that it involves a formal ceremony. If you're having partnership agreements and you're registering them you don't have to have a formal ceremony which is marriage-like with a celebrant. I note that they're not requiring marriage celebrants to do it but they can do it and it provides for registration of other celebrants.

No ceremony? Sheesh, as if anyone could do the pomp and ceremony like the gay community, remember Elton John dressed as Marie Antoinette and extrapolate.

Then he dodges a question by talking to gay relationships on all fours:

Ross Solly:
Do you believe that a same-sex couple can have the same level of love for one another as a couple in a heterosexual relationship?

Attorney-General:
Well our principal concern is to - and I'm not being judgmental about relationships - our principal concern is to where we can to remove discrimination and we're seeking to do that. We don't think putting those relationships on all fours with marriage is the appropriate direction to go.

Then he tells us how he deals with his own gay friends:

Look, I understand that people can have longstanding relationships and the relationships between them are very strong and I'm not judgmental about those matters, but I don't expect them to be entering into marriages.

I pity his speech writer. Those politics and that level of charisma kill words from 50 paces.

Carbon Dating

2007-01-23T19:46:00.000-08:00

For all those people who claim there's no point Australia doing anything about Kyoto or the environment more generally because India and China will still be polluting, consider the following from the Guardian:

"the average US carbon footprint is 19,800kg, while the impact on climate of the average Aussie is 18,000kg. Developing countries are far more sustainable: the average Chinese carbon footprint is 3,200kg, while the average Indian emits 1,200kg. Indeed, a good rule of thumb is that the poorer a person is, the less they emit - not a good omen in a world where everybody wants to be middle class. The average Tanzanian is highly sustainable, with a mere 100kg of carbon emissions per year, but it is unlikely that they are happy with this situation."

And for all those people who watched the Al Gore film and didn't change to Green Energy it's really easy, just call your energy company and ask them what they offer...

As for carbon dating, I think this might be a new fad we can start on RSVP and gay.com , advertise your carbon footprint as a way to impress?

Who knew?

2007-01-18T17:05:00.000-08:00

It appear hancuffs are illegal.

And maces too.

It's so hard to have fun nowadays...

Trials and flights

2006-12-12T18:45:00.000-08:00

After 5 years of trying to ignore the case & passing the buck back to the American government David Hicks is tantalizingly close to having a trial date set. There's a sense that after 5 years the only really positive outcome would have been to bring him back home but nevertheless, a trial is a huge step in the right direction.

Alexander Downer seems to have changed his tune on the urgency of the trials too:

"All right, the Supreme Court made its decision earlier this year, but we do want the charges to be brought forward as quickly as possible and we do not want any more unnecessary delay in relation to this case."

Note the word "unnecessary"..

It appears that he has just admitted that the US and Australia have been faffing around and allowing the unlawful combatants in Guantanamo to be deprived of their right to a speedy trial for NO GOOD REASON. Surely not.

Cultural Insensitivity

2006-12-06T07:50:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that everyone forgot Sinterklaas and there were no sweeties in my shoes this morning. I even left out my nicest stilettos....

Bond Girls

2006-12-05T09:39:00.000-08:00

The latest Bond movie has been lauded for it's uncharacteristically masculine and real lead but it's other charms are of course the real draw card. The knee-quakingly stunning Caterina Murino and the strikingly chameleonic Eva Green are a wonderful demonstration of the allure of the brunette. We dark haired lasses seem to be slowly claiming ground on the everpresent blondes in Bond movies, the rest of the world will surely be a walk in the park.

And on that note, i think it's time to go a couple of shades darker.

Temptation

2006-12-03T19:02:00.000-08:00

The Dendrobium Margaret Thatcher:

Must really add Singapore to that new itinerary..

Still in the sticks is Hicks

2006-11-26T18:51:00.000-08:00

From the latest

Bulletin

:

On Wednesday, the US Defense Department announced that three more former "enemy combatants" - an Algerian, an Egyptian and an Uzbeki - had been released and sent to Albania. The three men, now classified "No Longer Enemy Combatants", were sent to Albania because the US could not guarantee their safety if they were returned to their countries of origin.

This seems rather akin to getting Rodney King-ed by the filth and then them gently protect your forehead as they place you into their Black Mariah.

After years in illegal detention enjoying hospitable sleep deprivation and other non-torture interrogation methods now we object to them possibly being deprived of their rights if we returned them? Marvellous.

They are now "No Longer Enemy Combatants"; this was just a phase.
"Insurgent Until Graduation" if you will......

Impending Doom

2006-11-11T22:00:00.000-08:00

Grey hair number three.

Call in the marines/Dr Freud/Vidal Sassoon etc.

Please advise.

The hidden humour of economics

2006-11-08T16:29:00.000-08:00

cvm: I'm drunk on power/economic liberalism .

I can't believe i just wrote this:
"Aid is approached as something which has a genuinely benevolent thrust "

Coming soon to a videostore near you: Jeff Stryker vs. The World Bank.

rheiner: JE LOVE IT.

'thrust'

"My that's an impressive austerity package"

Defining leisure

2006-11-06T11:02:00.000-08:00

The 80s gave so many wonderful things but the best of these was windsurfing. When will this brave new century find it's leisure activity of choice?

Please do not say:
1. Croquet : Not ironic thank you very much. It never was. Not even in Heathers.

2. Lawn bowls : those poor old dears who their whole lives have wanted some qt on the greens are now faced with hilariously intoxicated young adults. Puhlease.

3. Tenpin bowling : i want this to be the answer but it never is.