Did we really Legislatively Assemble here for these jokes?

ANGELICA TRIPODI

The SPEAKER: I am advised that yesterday the Minister for Finance, Minister for Infrastructure, Minister for Regulatory Reform, and Minister for Ports and Waterways became the father of a baby girl. I am told that Angelica Tripodi was a healthy 3.6 kilograms at birth and that she and her mother, Maria, are both doing well. I am sure the House will join with me in congratulating the Minister on the new addition to his family.

Mr Chris Hartcher: And his wife, who did all the hard work!

The SPEAKER: That is a very good interjection.

Parliamentary profoundness - NSW Hansard once more

There is a deep truth here.

Mr Ian Cohen: "Dr Chopra alerted me to the fact that the food that Australia exports to the European Union has to conform to much higher standards than our own, so we produce two lots of food: food that is too good for Australians and food that is not good enough for Europeans".

Indeed. Thank you Ian.

Best of Hansard LC Edition 4 June

Ah, love across the barricades....


Ms Lee Rhiannon: I lived on a dairy farm too. You live at Redfern.

The Hon. DUNCAN GAY: I acknowledge for the record that Ms Lee Rhiannon has dairy farming in her history. There we were in the negotiating room. She has the belief that intensive agriculture should not go ahead and I am of the view that we should have proper intensive agriculture. She has the belief that there should not be mining anywhere in the State and I hold the belief that mining is an important part of the State and should be included.

Reverend the Hon. Dr Gordon Moyes: You make a lovely couple.

Hansard - Identifying possible hyperbole

Re: The Inner West Busway:

12 May 2009, Legislative Council

The Hon. HELEN WESTWOOD [2.52 p.m.]: This project is possibly the most transparent in the history of the Government. When I say "the history of the Government" I am talking as far back as the ancient Greeks!

Best of Hansard - Pynchonesque Incidents

Can anyone actually work out what is going on here? I am starting to think it is some kind of code used by our political overlords to conceal their evil plans. Or perhaps they are all slightly mad? The following discussion occurred in the context of a bill changing regulations in the racing industry on 7 May 09.

Mr PAUL GIBSON: Racing is a great panacea. Looking back at the history of racing—and I was not born then; I am not that old—during the Depression, for example, there were the largest crowds ever on racetracks anywhere. People went to the racetracks not only to put a few bob on and try to back a winner; they went there with the hope of forgetting the problems of the day. They went to the track because it was fairly cheap entertainment. It was a very important part of the panacea process that followed on from the Depression and the war. I first started looking at and wondering about racing when I was a young boy in Young.

Mr Kevin Greene: Is that Lambing Flat?

The boy from Young: "I come from Young, a pretty town up near the Riverina. They grow their cherries by the pound and sell them for a deener." I have never forgotten that. In my early years in Young there was a fellow by the name of Ernie Batnich, who had a cherry orchard. Ernie had a greyhound called Happy Banquet. Happy Banquet was a happy banquet to a lot of people in Young. Not only did he win on the country tracks—

Mr George Souris: They ate it.

Mr PAUL GIBSON: No, they didn't eat it; he ate them. They brought Happy Banquet to Sydney and it was one of the best greyhounds to race in this nation. I have never forgotten it. After that Ernie's mate had a dog called Macaroona. I will never forget Macaroona either—one of the fastest dogs this nation has ever laid eyes on.

Mr Peter Draper: What about Chief Havoc?

Mr PAUL GIBSON: Yes, Chief Havoc. There have been a lot of them. At the moment we have a horse called Takeover Tiger and it has won over $6 million in prize money. Joe Jaknic is the owner-trainer of it. He bought the horse for virtually nothing.

More moments from Hansard - NOM

Notices of Motion can not only be abbreviated to NOM. And they are even more funny:

297 Mr AMERY to move—

That this House:

(1) Notes the victory of English Championship side, Burnley, over Premiership side Arsenal in the

quarter final of the Carling Cup.

(2) Notes that this upset win was the third win against a Premiership side by the Burnley team in this

competition.

(3) Notes that this result sends a message to the New South Wales Opposition that being odds on

favourite does not guarantee future success.

(Notice given 4 December 2008)

Inside jokes #2

Enjoy the following email exchange from 09 April regarding comments on News.com.au posts (very shallow end of the gene pool kind of stuff):

RvL:
Why not set BOTH long term and short term interest rate to 0%??? I mean,
seriously, this would mean cheaper borrowing for EVERYONE!!


WHY NOT INDEED CVM.

CVM:
I don't know, I'm not very good with numbers as at school I was taught
using the whole language approach by politically-correct postmodernists.

RvL:
HAAAAAAA.

The interest rate cut which is not one (per cent).

Best of Hansard - Friday 3rd April 09

BELROSE WASTE DISPOSAL FACILITY

Mr JONATHAN O'DEA (Davidson) [12.17 p.m.]: So much of life is about interfaces. Interfaces cause wars, interfaces are present at the G20 summit in London this week, interfaces are caused where the city meets the bush and where suburbia meets industry. In Belrose we have a continuing interface where suburbia meets WSN Environmental Solutions, which brings the various effects of a garbage tip into suburbia.

Appalling French Humour

This chain mail is too good not to save it here for posterity..


La France est gouvernée par un super héros.
Que dis-je, nous sommes gouvernés par LE Super Héros.

D'ailleurs, en pleine tempête, il s'est envolé secrètement pour Bagdad accomplir une mission plus secrète encore à bord de son Air Force Ouane à 300 millions d'€.

Ne jamais oublier donc :
- Nicolas Sarkozy a sauvé Alstom et il a libéré Ingrid Betancourt.
- Nicolas Sarkozy peut encercler ses ennemis. Tout seul.
- Quand Nicolas Sarkozy pisse face au vent, le vent change de direction.
- Nicolas Sarkozy peut claquer une porte fermée...
- Nicolas Sarkozy a déjà compté jusqu'à l'infini. Deux fois.
- Certaines personnes portent un pyjama Superman. Superman porte un pyjama Nicolas Sarkozy.
- Jésus Christ est né en 1955 avant Nicolas Sarkozy.
- Nicolas Sarkozy ne porte pas de montre. Il décide de l'heure qu'il est.
- Nicolas Sarkozy peut diviser par zéro.
- Dieu a dit: "que la lumière soit !" Et Nicolas Sarkozy répondit: "On dit s'il vous plaît".
- La seule chose qui arrive à la cheville de Nicolas Sarkozy. c'est sa chaussette.
- Quand Google ne trouve pas quelque chose, il demande à Nicolas Sarkozy.
- Nicolas Sarkozy fait pleurer les oignons.
- Les Suisses ne sont pas neutres, ils attendent de savoir de quel coté Nicolas Sarkozy se situe.
- Pour certains hommes le testicule gauche est plus large que le testicule droit. Chez Nicolas Sarkozy, chaque testicule est plus large que l'autre.
- Nicolas Sarkozy sait parler le braille.
- Il n'y a pas de théorie de l'évolution. Juste une liste d'espèces que Nicolas Sarkozy autorise à survivre.
- Nicolas Sarkozy et Superman ont fait un bras de fer, le perdant devait mettre son slip par dessus son pantalon.
- Un jour, au restaurant, Nicolas Sarkozy a commandé un steak. Et le steak a obéi.
- Nicolas Sarkozy a un jour avalé un paquet entier de somnifères. Il a cligné des yeux.
- Nicolas Sarkozy mesure son pouls sur l'échelle de Richter.
- Nicolas Sarkozy connaît la dernière décimale de Pi.
- Nicolas Sarkozy peut taguer le mur du son.
- Quand la tartine de Nicolas Sarkozy tombe, la confiture change de côté.
- Dieu voulait créer l'univers en 10 jours. Nicolas Sarkozy lui en a donné 6.
- Nicolas Sarkozy est capable de laisser un message avant le bip sonore.
- Une larme de Nicolas Sarkozy peut guérir du cancer, malheureusement Nicolas Sarkozy ne pleure pas.
- Quand Nicolas Sarkozy passe devant un miroir, il n'y a pas de reflet: il n'y a qu'un seul Nicolas Sarkozy.
- Si Nicolas Sarkozy dort avec une lampe allumée, ce n'est pas parce qu'il a peur du noir mais parce que le noir a peur de lui.
- Le calendrier de Nicolas Sarkozy passe du 31 mars au 2 avril. ... Personne ne fait de blague à Nicolas Sarkozy.